Je Suis Désolé

I never admitted to this but I've always knew in the back of my mind, that i'm a very proud person... Proud as a peacock, they say.. Hardly do i admit to my mistakes and i can actually count the number of times i've said sorry and suffer the humiliation of being proven wrong... in fact, i used to get really pissed when someone points out a flaw in my character or whatever mistake that i've committed...

think this job is bringing out the worst in me... this is the 2nd consecutive day that i've been doing nothing but my own homework and perhaps some blogging.. it's making me really tired of coming to work n doing nothing.. doing nothing = thinking too much too! n i've been more demanding and emotional.. on top of that, i dunno why i'm feeling so tired everyday that i just want to 'niam' at every little thing..

feeling the strain and really wish to go for a short break.. a little holiday to soak up the sun n bring back the tan tt i wore when i came back from Perth during summer... i'm tired of sitting in the office, getting tt miserable bit of vitamin D when i walk from centennial tower to marina square for lunch.. but holiday... hmm... dun even want to think abt it anymore.. musk the disappointment..

it's like a constant fear these days... tt if i do sth wrong or if i demand too much and cause him to flare up, he'll break and it'll be back to square one.. perhaps it's good, because then, i'll be more conscious of my actions and not provoke him unnecessarily, unlike the last time when i was constantly pushing him n testing his limit.. but at the same time, i'm wondering if it's healthy for me to feel this way.. shd fear occupy such a big part of me?? perhaps this is constructive fear??

2 more hours to end of day... sianz, tired, grumpy.. just want to go home n sleep....

*'niam' = grumble / whine (in hokkien)